I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize