Porn is love you can see.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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