Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
