You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
