I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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