they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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