So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
