quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
