yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
