ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
