is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
false alarm, still single
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
