please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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