Just fell off a train. Bad.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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