my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
