my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize