So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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