don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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