I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
