I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
