It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
