yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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