you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
