Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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