I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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