I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
