nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There r osticjed everywhere
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
