Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize