it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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