i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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