PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
