I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
