I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize