someone get that fucking seahorse.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
