have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
