I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
