the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
