That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude i'm inner monologue high
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
