when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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