I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
