Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize