I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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