hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
