allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
