Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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