is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
