My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
