So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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