she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
