worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
