sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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