Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
