what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
