Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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