If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize