You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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