my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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