it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
