I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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