it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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