this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
