the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
