I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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