1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
