Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
