i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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