david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
