The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
