we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
