Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
