i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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