the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
