i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize