she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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