and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
