I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
