What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
