i don't like sucking hair
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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