He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
