remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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