i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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