well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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