it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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