My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
