every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
