Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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