I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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