that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
