Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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