that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
