Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
