I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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