Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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