No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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