1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
