I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
