I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
