Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
