Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
