I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So many bounce houses so little time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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