I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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