Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize