I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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