does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
