I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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