Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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