I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
