i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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