I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
