so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
